YOU ARE NOT ALONE: REAL LIFE STORIES

Anonymous Notes From Picky People - Allergic to Light

When I am in a picking frenzy – I need as much light as I can get so I can see every nook and cranny of my face. I even got myself a light up close-up makeup mirror so I can really see what's going on and do lots of detail work on my pores.

Conversely, when I am out in public I tend to be extra careful about lighting. I don't like to go to places that are too bright. Sometimes I will avoid social situations altogether so that people won't see my scabs. But if I have to go out when I am showing my "war scars" I am very careful to find the darkest corner or the softest lighting in the room.

I like to go out to bars and clubs with friends, especially because they are usually dimly lit. I am always self conscious when you get to the front door where it's bright and the doorman looks at your I.D. and then looks at your face to see if they match. I also don't like to stick around until closing time, because they usually turn up the lights to get everyone out of the club. I am really self conscious because I have to wear a lot of makeup sometimes and those are the worst situations.

The worst time I can remember was one night when I went out with a really big bad sore on my left chin. I was invited to a family party I had to attend. But I had really done a number on my face – so bad that even the makeup could not make it go away. So I brushed my hair with an extreme side part that made my hair fall over most of the left side of my face. It kind of camouflaged the ugly sore. I added a hat to hold the hair in place and told myself it was ok. I was making a fashion statement.

Well the worst possible thing happened. A guy walked up to me and said "you have such a beautiful face – why are you covering up half of it with your hair?" as he was saying this, he pulled back the hair falling across my left side. I flinched as he reached up to do it, but it happened so fast I could not stop him. I must have died a thousand deaths of shame and embarrassment as I knew my secret had been fully revealed. He was very sweet and smiled at me, but it did not change the humiliation and mortification I felt.

The other time I am really sensitive to light is when it comes to intimacy. I have been totally guilty of being so preoccupied with the condition of my skin, it has inhibited my sexual responsiveness. When I am with my partner, I have to have the lights off because I am so afraid that the scabs and/or scars on my chest or back might be a turnoff.

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