YOU ARE NOT ALONE: REAL LIFE STORIES
Anonymous Notes From Picky People – Foreign Objects
When I pick, I don’t feel bad about it. I always feel somewhat purified. What I pick at does not belong in my body. If you have a splinter in your finger, you pull it out right? Well, the foreign material under my skin isn’t supposed to be there. The ingrown hairs need to come out and the dead cells hanging off my cuticles are meant to be shed. I am just helping the process along.
I read this article in Self Magazine that mentions how Biore pore strips are marketed. And so I know they’re hitting on something. It IS gratifying to clean my pores. It bugs me to think they are not clean and empty.
The problem for me is the dividing line between what is appropriate grooming and what goes over the edge to compulsive behavior. It’s one thing to pop a whitehead and another to dig into your skin to get out the pus beyond what comes out quickly and easily. So I am starting to try and figure what my motivations are to go beyond simple grooming. Mainly it is plain obstinacy that my ‘house’ isn’t as clean and tidy as I want it to be? I get really mad that I have these invasive things inside of me that don’t belong there. Maybe there’s a bigger picture and I am not happy with the other emotional things inside of me?
The media feeds us this incessant desire to be perfect and pure that are just not sustainable. I actually get uneasy when I see a nick in my bathroom tile or grout and want to throw out any dishes that aren’t perfect. The lure of the perfect glassware and dinnerware at Pottery Barn is so seductive to me.
I know my perfectionist expectations are unrealistic and excessively high.
One of the other things I should mention is that when my skin is looking fairly good and I have no breakouts, I still go to the mirror to pick. I will look even more closely to find any and barely there blackheads. And sometimes I will end up making my beautiful relatively clear complexion look like a mess.
The other thing about when my complexion is looking really nice and clear. I almost feel obligated to get it back to “normal.” I also feel a bit like I can get away with a little picking because it looks nice – so just a little picking can’t hurt, right? I just ultimately want all impurities out of my body and out of my pores and end up messing it up again.
I am working on accepting that imperfections are a part of life and especially in my skin. The more I realize that I am naturally flawed, the easier it gets to quite. I try to observe nature and see that nothing is perfect around me. That it is natural to have nooks and crannies and imperfections. Things I have observed are tree trunks, concrete walks that look perfect from a distance, clay pots and things like that that seem like they should be perfect and smooth and unblemished, yet upon closer inspection have texture.
Magazine ads present such a perfect flawless people and although I know in my heart they are not reality, I still have wanted to aspire to be that perfect. Recently however, I am becoming more and more fascinated with seeing celebrities’ imperfections. Once in awhile you see an un-retouched photo – especially in the gossip magazines at the grocery counter that show these glamour gods and goddess for all their imperfect humanity. Hey, maybe that’s my answer,,, stop looking at Vogue and Glamour, etc… and start reading the Enquirer!!!