YOU ARE NOT ALONE: REAL LIFE STORIES
Anonymous Notes From Picky People – It’s Not Me
I am an American. I am free to do what I want and when I want. I want to be in control of my life. I want to be in control of my own body, too, and it drives me nuts that I am not.
My body does not obey my desires. I cannot make my hair or nails grow longer or faster. I can’t stop those damn hairs from appearing on my chin (I pick at those, too). And I cannot make my skin stop breaking out. It’s like I am perpetually trapped in the passenger seat and can’t drive. I want to drive!
I am angry at my body for not letting me have the wheel. So I do whatever I can to wrench it back and teach it a lesson. It also feels like if my skin won’t respond the way I want it to – I disconnect from my body completely and lose a sense of concern for the outcome. I break out – so what the fuck do I care about my lame body – I will show it who’s in charge here.
The disassociation goes on from here… it’s like I am not even in my body any more – it’s just a shell that I fill temporarily. If I am not in charge of my skin – then maybe it’s not really me. It’s hard to explain exactly, but if I pick at my skin – it doesn’t matter – because I am much larger and better than my body and my skin.