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(OSPA 12 Step Discussions)

Do Something

ROADS TO RECOVERY: DO SOMETHING… ANYTHING…

Self Dialog - Tammy's Self Dialog

You told me earlier that picking my cuticles does no harm. That it's not going to kill me. I sense that you are the rebellious teenager in me. Why DO you feel it's okay to pick?

It's something I can control.
Why did you pick the same habit as Mom?

Because it works.
What makes you think you can't control other parts of your life?

I have no money.
What can money buy that you don't have now?

Security.
Haven't your spiritual guardians always taken care of you? Didn't money always come when you really needed it?

It doesn't come fast enough.
Does picking make it come faster?

No.
What does it accomplish?

A FEELING of being in control.
Even if you really aren't.

Yeah.
Who will control you if you stop picking?

The same people and systems that control me now.
Which is...

People with power and money.
If we can find a healthier way to FEEL like you're in control, would you consider doing that instead of picking?

If it works, yeah.
If we decide instead to visualize a happy future--but you can't pick there--will you feel like you control your future?

As long as I can hold onto the image, yeah.
What might weaken your ability to hold the image?

Reality.
Reality is what you perceive it to be, how you react to it. You can choose not to give it power over you. Your perception of it being powerful gives it its power.

You win.
But you're not losing anything.

This battle.
But you've gained awareness.

That's true.
Do you think it's fair and comfortable to visualize a happy future where picking is not allowed?

Yes, I can agree to that.
Are you ready to go there?

I'm long overdue.
Sometimes you pick when there's no apparent emotional reason, such as when I'm reading. Why?

I don't know. I guess 'cause I'm bored.
Do you feel that my hands always have to be moving?

Something has to move. If not your hands, then your feet.
Where is that energy coming from?

From whatever you're reading.
Would note-taking while I'm reading be a satisfactory way to release that energy?

Sure. Even just doodling will work. Just do something.
Do you ever pick for the purpose of self-punishment?

No, not really, because I don't see it as that damaging. Besides, I don't hate you.
I don't hate you either. I just didn't understand you until now. If I started taking herbs and vitamins that are known to calm the nerves, would you be okay with that?

Sure, I could use a rest.
Were you trying to get my attention all these years?

I wasn't trying, but now that I have it, it's kind of nice.
Are there any other parts of me that could benefit from attention?

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