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Roads to Recovery

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Anonymous

(OSPA 12 Step Discussions)

Do Something

ROADS TO RECOVERY: DO SOMETHING… ANYTHING…

Self Dialog - My first Self-Dialog:

I want to squeeze a pimple on my jaw.
You know you shouldn’t do it

but it wants to be done. I am driven. The pus must come out.
If you give it time - it will work its way out.

I don’t have the time.

You may find that your higher self may not win. In fact if your higher self does win the debate quickly, I suggest you try again, because in order to unravel all of you own issues that brought you to this place, you may need to dig deeper than you ever thought possible. Repeat this exercise several times and at different times of the day. For me, my self dialog always came back to an issue of time until I ultimately had a conversation that got me back to my childhood. This is where you want to end up. Although you may not have started picking until your teens or twenties, your life experience in your early formative years is what set you up to develop these habits later in life.

It itches.
leave it alone.

I have to touch it.
Leave it alone.

I’ve touched it and I feel there is something there which needs to be fixed.
Leave it alone.

But there’s a lump there.
So.

There’s a lump there. There’s a problem.
And you think you can do something about it.

Yes, I can squeeze it and pop it out.
You know that doesn’t work.

Oh yes it does sometimes.
OK you’re right, but what about most of the other times.

But it might fix it.
What about the other times.

I’m willing to risk it, because it might fix it.
You’re willing to risk an ugly scab and scarring?

At least the scab feels better than a lump.
And scarring?

I won’t scar.
You already have scars, but you don’t look close enough to see those.

I don’t know what to say?
Do you want more scars?

No.
Then stop picking.

Ok…. But wait, I can feel this one is going to come out smoothly.
So let it do it on its own.

But it would be sooo satisfying to just pop it out.
That’s a hard argument to debate, and you may be right, but it doesn’t help you conquer the habit when it’s not a good idea to squeeze.

But I won’t squeeze when it’s not a good idea.
Now we both know that’s a lie.

God, I just can’t bear it having this lump under my skin.
Ok now we’re getting someplace… Why?

Because I’m afraid it will never go away. I want it to happen now.
Sometimes, things take time.

I can’t wait.
Why?

That’s just the way I am. I’ve always been impatient - boy that was hard to admit.
Why do you suppose you are so impatient?

Good question I’ll have to think about that.

Sometimes your self dialog will stop you in your tracks. If it stops you from picking – that is a good thing! I found that I needed the satisfaction of accomplishing something that had instant gratification.

I’m a doer - I like to take action.
Is there something else you could take action over?

Yes there are a million projects I’m working on…
Maybe that’s the problem, you take too much on and then fret over everything.

Possible. I love being a doer.
That’s a great trait of your - do you have to ‘do’ to your face?

No I wish I didn’t really.
Ok so back to impatience. Why are you so impatient.

Because there are so many things I wish would happen. Things I can see happening, but they aren’t happening yet.
So you are dissatisfied with your life?

Yes and No… I seem to be exploding with possibilities, but haven’t accomplished anything.
So you need completion?

Yah! That’s it.
OK, so let’s work on completing a project in conjunction with working on not picking your face.

This I can deal with.

So this is how my recovery came to pass… Picking at my face seemed directly aligned with my sense of lack of control over my life and inability to finish projects. In retrospect I realized one of the places I picked most often was in my car - especially when driving long distances. It goes to show that my mind would be racing from subject to subject, but because I was driving or being driven - there was no place for me to go, no way for me to do something about what I wanted or needed to do.

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